One of my very favorite books is The Noticer by Andy Andrews. It's about a stranger who comes to town by the name of Jones. He enters in and out of people's lives taking notice of their circumstances and sees things in a different perspective. His presence and perspective is life changing to everyone he meets. Although, he is a fictional character, Jones has helped to make me look at things differently as well. It's all perspective.
While it might be tempting to see the glass as half empty in circumstances such as, being isolated in a small apartment, not knowing my surroundings or anyone here. Having been uprooted from everything and everyone I know and love to some very unfamiliar territory. It's a bit scary. I can't see the future and the temptation is to freak out with a plethora of what if's instead of trusting that God is in control and I'm not. Or to choose to see things from a different perspective such as, I'm so thankful we have been given this incredible opportunity. We have the best set up in this cute little apartment that has everything we need. I am able to enjoy and see things I wouldn't otherwise have had the chance to. The East coast is beautiful and the people, when they aren't blaring their horns at me, are pretty cool. My glass, by choice, is half full.
When we first left Arizona, I was surprised at how many half empty glasser's asked me "why would you want to go live there?" "hope you like the snow!" "The winters are brutal" and the most painful "how can you leave your kids?" Ouch! That's a lot more personal! I saw my glass as half full and I would often reply " I'm excited to see what God has in store for us" " I'm looking forward to the four seasons" and " I'm not leaving my kids, I think a scarier question is how can I not follow my husband?" Not that it was easy to leave but the way of life is for kids to leave their mother and father and cling to their spouse. Yet, I see so many parents that won't let go of their kids and if I'm not careful I am tempted to do the same. Following them to kindergarten to their dorm room to their apartment and not really letting them figure things out for themselves. That would enable them and do them a great disservice in growing up. And believe me, I have done my share of enabling. I want what is best for our kids so that they can be the best God wants them to be. That usually means I need to get out of the way for that to happen. Instead of clinging to them I need to hold them loosely because they are not mine to hold on to. They belong to God and as hard as it is for me to imagine, He loves them more than I do.
I like to think that I typically see the glass as half full. At least I try to see the good in all things and in all people. Believing that God has His reasons when things don't go my way or according to my plans. I can usually put things into perspective even when I can't always see the good, trusting that God will work it out for His good. That doesn't mean it has to makes sense to me because it often doesn't make sense. Or that it comes easily. It doesn't. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. And how I wish I had dollar for every time I have said that this year alone!
My spur of the moment trip to Arizona last week was in part due to My hubby having a full schedule and also him knowing that this hasn't been easy on me. He knew I was a little lonely and home sick and asked if I'd like to go to Phoenix? I probably looked like the Tasmanian Devil packing my bags. I hope I didn't hurt his feelings when I jumped in the car like a cooped up dog who finally got to go for a ride to the dog park. I did refrain from sticking my head out the window.
I'm a people person, so I get my energy from people. I love hanging out, laughing, crying or just chilling with people. And I got to do that this week with some of my favorite people. Three of which happen to share the same last name with me. My kids, who aren't kids anymore but; will always be my kids. I had the best time with them. And seeing them in their own world as responsible adults was enough to fill my heart. I could not be more proud of them. God is good and I can see how He has used this separation by distance only, to grow them in a way that might not have turned out like this had we still been here. Oh they would still be growing up but I might have clung to or meddled more and gotten in the way. I might have held our daughter back just a little bit longer than necessary for her spiritual development. It's a joy to see all three of these young adults growing up and thriving on their own. My heart was full and I was ready to go home to our cute little apartment and see my hubby. I missed him.
In a year of what I have been calling letting go, I should not have been surprised by the phone call I received from our lender on Friday, my last day of my visit. " I'm afraid I have some bad news Mrs Rice. The appraisal came back much lower than the sale price of the home you are purchasing" that sounded so familiar. The exact same thing happened in Chicago and we ended up not getting that house because the seller wouldn't come down to appraisal price. So I expect the same outcome on this one as well. I was resisting the temptation to panic, to freak out and to feel sorry for myself. Truth be told, I wanted that house. I pictured myself chilling in that beautiful backyard with some of my favorite people and even new people I would meet along the way. I envisioned long runs in that tree lined neighborhood....... But I am learning to hold everything loosely. It's not mine to be held on to. So I said "Ok God, I trust you have a better plan for us. Help me to be excited about this because right now, I'm just not, I'm disappointed, I'm a little stressed and quite frankly, I'm exhausted "
I made some phone calls and rallied the troops to plan our next course of action. As I was on the phone crying on the shoulder of a friend I had another call come in. It was our son. I had just talked to him so I thought it unusually he would be calling me again and he should be at work by now. If you're a mom you know that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when you know something is wrong. I clicked over and heard the tone in his voice that brought me both dread and relief. He said he was ok but had been in an accident. His car was destroyed, could I come get him? Oh how quickly life was put into perspective!
As I drove down I-17 I could no longer control the tears of gratitude. Thankful I was in Arizona, that I had rented a car and was able to be there for him. But most importantly, thankful that today I had to let go of a house and not a son. When I saw a picture of his car, I couldn't help but think of several other ways this could have turned out. I thanked God and saw my glass as not half full but over flowing!
Later that morning, I got a text from a friend, asking me to pray for her friends family who just lost her life. A tragic accident that in a blink of an eye changed so many lives. Once again, it reminded me of how precious life is, how short life is and that we have no guarantee of tomorrow here on earth. I try to hold everything loosely, including those that I love dearly. I'm thankful for each moment and that my hope is eternal in Jesus, not in the things I see now. A house is just a house - It's all Perspective
"So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."(2 Corinthians 4:18 )
Pressing On
Beautifully written Connie and a joy to read.
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