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Cravings

Last Monday was one of those gloomy days. Gray skies and pouring rain. Just was well, I had stuff to do. Maybe it was the Monday blues, the dreary weather, missing my family or the chocolate hangover I had from the plethora of Easter candy I consumed, but I was somewhat depressed. I couldn't seem to snap out of it. 

So, I cleaned up the house, I packed up the Easter decorations and did a few loads of laundry. I needed to feel productive. I took a shower but didn't bother putting on make-up. I did however put on a clean pair of pj's. Pathetic, I know but I wasn't up for leaving the house; so why waste an outfit and generate more laundry for myself? Besides, I couldn't put the same Jammie's on and have my husband think I didn't do anything all day. Goodness! 

I couldn't put my finger on why I was down so I just stayed in and read the rest of the day. I am re-reading The Purpose Driven Life in our bible study and am finding it to be incredibly encouraging and convicting. I was also close to finishing another book I downloaded written by the pastor at our church here. I love how God will repeatedly show me something in what I am reading. Yesterday He showed me a common tread in my quiet time with Him that morning as well as both books I was reading. 

I had been feeling a little distant from God lately and in the process of searching why, I continued to read and study His Word. Whenever this happens, I start talking to Him and asking Him to search my heart for any thing that I might be doing that offends Him. Side note, sometimes I already know what that is, other times I can't see it for what it is. And sometimes it is just that, a feeling or lack of. 

Interestingly enough, God used this gloomy lazy day to show me my heart, why I felt distant and what was behind my mood that was effecting my relationship with Him. He had not moved, Jesus is always present in the life of His followers, but I had. I had been choosing other things and stuff to fill me up. Whether that was people through social media or in the case over the past few weeks, chocolate. The more empty, lonely and bored I was feeling, the more chocolate I ate. Then the worse I felt. I wasn't hungry for food but was craving sugar. I know, neither of those are necessarily bad things. But when I go to them to fill a void only God can fill, it does offend Him. He wants to be number One in my life and His desire is for me to crave more of Him. To look to Him to meet my needs. To turn to Him instead of the pantry or anything else.  He can and will fill up my empty spaces. He is very personal even though I can't see Him or always "feel" His presence.

In River Dwellers, Rob Reimer writes, "There is a hunger in every heart, a thirst in every soul, which only God can fill." I had been looking to chocolate to quench a thirst that will last maybe five minutes, or until that next mini chocolate egg. It will never satisfy me. Only God satisfies. Instead of roaming to the pantry for a quick fix, I need to run to Him and His promises to fill me up. He knows exactly what I need to feed my heart and soul.

I am not beating myself up over this- ok, maybe I did for a little while. I fell, as we all do. I got back up again. I'm seeing this as an opportunity for growth. In his book The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren writes, " Spiritual growth is not automatic. It takes an intentional commitment. You must want to grow, decide to grow, make an effort to grow, and persist in growing." I'm choosing to grow. And not by way of chocolate, as much as I love it. I'm thankful God showed me my heart and that He will help me, not only to overcome when I fall into temptation but to grow in my relationship with Him. 

-Pressing On 



“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
Psalm 139:23-24 NIV


“You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you, in a dry and parched land where there is no water.”
Psalm 63:1 NIV

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19 NIV


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